ANYWAY,
In the beginning of the story, Chapter 1 to bee exact (pun intended), Lily mentioned writing an assignment about her philosophies in life. She intended for it to be a whole book, but could only make through three pages of it. Her teacher, Mrs Henry, told her that she needed to, and I quote, 'live past fourteen years old before she would have a philosophy.' I thought this was a rather smart comment because let's face it, how could a fourteen year old girl, who still faces dilemmas on which cereal to have for breakfast, have a PHILOSOPHY in life?! Heck, when I hear the word 'philosophy', I imagine old people and like, Aristotle and stuff lol.
But knowing the internal conflicts she faces, with her own father mistreating her, having her housekeeper as her only friend and the dire need of a mother's love, I have often wondered what those three pages be filled with. I mean, haven't you? I think she must have written something about her mother and her aspirations in life. Something that sounds quite like this;
1. Believe in yourself and realize your potential. Get to a good school and become the writer you know you can be.
2. Although she might not be here to tell you, your mother loves you. She will always be there for you.
I don't know about you but I read that in a monotonous tone. I feel like at that point in time, she didn't really know what she wanted in life. That her early philosophies were part of a consolation she read to herself every night. But after everything that has happened, and I mean EVERYTHING, (warning: spoilers ahead) Rosaleen getting sent off to prison, Lily breaking her out, them meeting the calendar sisters, May's death, the revelation of the truth of her mother and her finally standing up against T. Ray, I imagine her philosophies evolving to become something more ambitious and mature cos well, all this does a lot to a girl's soul.
She'd probably realize that people who love each other will never let the other suffer. She'd understand that we must find our own destinies and that risks are not for the frail, but that risks are also inevitable. She'd realize that people are not so different after all, that the only thing that makes us different is our ability to love. But most importantly, I imagine her telling herself that you should always surround yourself with people who love you. How love is a power that helps you grow and conquer your fears. Love those around you. Love and forgive them.
..............................
Now, I've had a lot of time to think things through but unfortunately, as for my eighteen year old self, I've decided that I don't have a philosophy. I feel like all this time I've been bobbing up and down in life, wandering about through the days. This is very ironic cos I've always been a planner, but when it comes to matters of life, I'm at loss. Maybe I'm just indecisive. Yeah, probably that.
But if I had to choose ONE THING that actually helped me through my worse, it's that you are in charge of your own life. If it ends badly, it's on you. If it turns out great, it's also on you. Years from now, you'll look back at the very moment you make the decision and chances are you'll feel very grateful for doing what you did or you'll simply regret not taking that chance or behaving the way you did. Always always always look at the bigger picture.
I wouldn't really call this my philosophy but I'd like to stick to this mindset for now. That said, there will be times when I forget this, when I don't take that chance and when I don't behave as well as I should. But hey, I guess I'll just have to live past eighteen years old before I actually do. ;)
With love,
Fatini.
how do you counter depression? i mean like sometimes you're trying to be optimistic all the time but it's always turn up the other way round. like everything goes wrong at all the time. dont you at a point give up and just tell yourself that you screw up your life. hahahaha.
ReplyDeleteHi Aminin! Thanks for reading my blog btw. I really appreciate it! Anyway, depression, huh? I hope the IB vibes haven't taken that much of a toll on you yet lol.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I don't think it's possible for someone to be optimistic all the time. I mean, it's exhausting!
But to answer your question, I understand what it feels like to constantly be overwhelmed with things that upset you. To make things worse, you know you have to face your problems in the near future and there's no escaping from it. But despite the massive whirlwind we call life, make sure to spare some time for yourself. Treat yourself cos you deserve it! Go for outings during the weekend. Maybe have a picnic every once in a while. Tell yourself you've done a good job and relax.
And just so you know, this is exactly why Aisyah and I go for ice-cream once in a while after class ;)
Self-love goes a loooong way :)
Everything happens for a reason. I always believe in that. In answering Aminin's question, for me, trust in Allah must be present. Know that he tests us to make us stronger. Talk it out with someone, it's good to talk.. ;) and yes, Fatini's suggestions are great! Ice-cream or a piece of cake is always a good idea.. Ultimately, `verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest'.. So do lots of zikir.. :)
ReplyDeleteFatini, I agree with what you wrote. I think earlier in life (like Lily) we have innocent philosophies.. naive.. Later we may stick to one or two more `meaningful' ones. As we grow older we also start to mature and have better philosophies (or not) so it's only natural to change. Bottom line is to have a firm principled belief that helps guide us through this ever challenging life.. right? ;)